


Apple Blossom

by passeromio



Category: Qing Chun You Ni, 青春有你 | Qing Chun You Ni
Genre: M/M, guanyue, hanahaki, idk what i write, idolproducer2, jiayi, jiayue, qingchunyouni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 02:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/passeromio/pseuds/passeromio
Summary: Jiayi needs to choose between die or Guanyue





	Apple Blossom

**Author's Note:**

> hello this is my first fiction on here  
> do you watch qing chun you ni? omg, this show is so cruel but im still watching because of jiayi and guanyue (ofc other trainee too)
> 
> my english is so bad, i use google translate so i hope im not make mistake

Many people say if I'm stupid. Of course, I won't dodge because it's true. When I first knew him, I felt my life was a fortune. He was a long wait that I waited for almost a quarter of a century of my life.

We never say hello. I just admire the beauty from afar. How dare I come when what I have is imperfection?

He shines like the sun after a storm. Warm and hopeful. Spurring every desire in me to be with him. Just for a moment, just a moment doesn't matter. But my luck stopped right when I saw it at dusk.

Day after day I passed by seeing him smile. Admiration grew until it felt so claustrophobic. It became more congested when I realized that his smile and laughter was given to another figure who easily got a warm hug from him.

I know I'm late. Regret comes unexpectedly. Of course, I knew I was stupid because I only waited so long just to see it with other people.

The clump grows without realizing it even though I know it will happen sooner or later. It feels so miserable. I've heard if the pain makes you want to kill yourself. But I did not. In my mind there was never a desire to end life and stop seeing his smile. 

Oh, I still admire him from afar. I still saw his smile and smiled, even though there was now a torturous cough and a white petal the size of a pinkie came out of my mouth. I still mumbled his name from a distance invisible to him and said that I loved him-with he also says love on the figure.

I still torture myself and I didn't regret it. Only one of my biggest regrets; the courage to face him that never came.

Even when the pain made me unable to see his smile that day, that courage did not come. I'm still a coward who doesn't dare say if my love for him is real.

He already has someone else. When he was alone I did not have the guts, then what do you expect with the current situation which is already happy? I came and ruined everything? No, I'm not that bad.

Even though now I have to lie in a hospital bed without anyone caring, I will not have the heart to destroy his happiness.

Looks like I'm too confident, I mean he won't be sad to see me now. And I still think if I come then his happiness will decrease? So stupid, so I'm not dodging when people say I'm stupid.

Lying here makes me lose my wits. What's in my head is just his name. Wenhan, Wenhan, and Wenhan. Even when I fell asleep, his name still came out of my mouth.

"You really love him, huh?"

Ah, that voice. The nurse has heard my stupid story. He always took the time to be my place to spill my complaints from then on. I don't know, I feel telling him doesn't make me look even sadder.

He smiled at me when I said if I would not lift a clump in my heart. He smiled at me when I said if I wouldn't let my love for Wenhan disappear without a trace. He even still smiled when I said if death is better than stopping loving Wenhan.

"The Asphodel is beautiful." He suddenly said.

Tonight as usual he came to accompany me to talk. He should have been able to go home because his working hours were over, but he stayed behind to hear my story about Wenhan. Again and again.

"The flower looks fragile, but it's beautiful. I can understand if you don't want to revoke it, Jiayi." I did not reply to him. He still looked at me with his eyes shining without burden. Then he smiled. "You must really regret not telling him how you feel."

"Yes," I replied. He knew very well about that.

My regret for him to the end.

Coughing happens again. I tried to muffle it with my palm. I could barely grasp the white petals, ending up falling on the floor. He deftly calmed me, put his arm around my neck and buried my face in his stomach. My cough slowly stopped.

"Thank you, Guanyue." At least I have one person who cares.

...

The second month after the clump grows. The hospital is where I spend my days. Boring. Everything I usually do must stop. Including seeing Wenhan's smile.

God! I even missed his smile after all he gave me was a bunch of asphodels in my heart! Yes, I shouldn't blame Wenhan. But who else can I blame if not him? Of course myself! You are so stupid, Jiayi!

"Good morning, Jiayi."

That voice made me forget a little about my longing for Wenhan's smile. My favorite nurse came with a tray of medicine and a bouquet of flowers. Apple blossom. Beautiful little flowers. Guanyue often brings it to me.

"Good morning, Guanyue. Thank you for the flowers."

He smiled. Guanyue loves to smile. I thought his smile is sweet. There is sincerity there. Clearly reflected in his eyes. Guanyue's smile was the best after Wenhan's smile.

Just say I'm stupid again, but who else is in first place if it's not Wenhan?

"You're welcome, I'll put it in a vase after seeing you eat all your medicine."

"This medicine doesn't even help at all, I will still die."

Again he smiled. "Yes, you will still die. Sooner or later. But let this medicine reduce your pain a little. Now open your mouth and eat the medicine. "

That's how Guanyue is. He never scolded me, never judged me. He just smiled and made me smile too.

"Thank you." That's all I can give in return for his kindness. If only I could at least use my legs to support my body, maybe I would offer a dinner as a form of gratitude.

Too bad I can only lie here.

I saw him turn to replace the flower in the vase with the bouquet he had just brought. My eyes keep watching. He seemed to enjoy what he was doing. Even though it's not his job, but why does he enjoy it so much?

Accompany me every night, feed me, be my hearer. Isn't that all not his job? He is only a nurse at the hospital. He is not my personal nurse. But why?

"Why daydream?" Did I just daydream? "What are you daydreaming about, hmm?"

Why was I losing my voice now? Did this flowers also affect my vocal cords?

"Jiayi, what's wrong?" His face looked worried, but I couldn't take a word. It was precisely the coughing of craze and the white petals that came out of my mouth.

I was in pain. My breath is hard, my eyes are watering. Then I saw him so worried. Very worried. He tried to calm me as usual, put my face on his stomach. But my cough did not subside, it became even more.

"Jiayi, I'll call a doctor!" He said, preparing to stay away from me.

My cough is getting more painful. I tried to take my breath as much as possible, but it was difficult. In that situation I never thought that my hand still had the strength to hold him away.

"Jiayi, let me go and let me call the doctor."

"N-no ... don't go ..." Three words that I never thought would come from my lips. He was petrified for a while after hearing it. Then I felt his hand wrapped around my shoulder, the soft swipe he gave in my head.

"Okay, I'm not leaving. I'm here with you, Jiayi. "  
Miraculously my cough subsided. The white petals that were racing out of my mouth stalled. Rubbing on my head makes me sleepy. It feels very comfortable.

"Don't go." Is the sentence that came out before my consciousness disappeared.

...

"Guanyue?"

The first thing I saw when my eyelids opened was a relieved smile from Guanyue. The one nurse smiled until her eyes narrowed. Very cute.

"Does it still hurt?" I just shook my head. "The doctor said the roots had spread in your heart."

"Really?" I said softly.

"Yes." He looked down. "The doctor said if you still don't want to do surgery, maybe you only have two days to live."

I never saw him talk without looking at me. Guanyue always looked into the eyes of the other person while talking, but why did he look down now? His voice was weak, not as cheerful as usual Guanyue.

"You still don't want to do surgery, Jiayi?"

His head rose and I was surprised when his eyes were watering. "Guanyue."

"You really seriously want to die like this?"

Claustrophobic attack, but this time it was different. It's not like your heart is tightly squeezed by the roots of a flower, but it's more like your heart is forced to stop beating for whatever reason.

"Don't you want to live happily? Don't you want to enjoy the warmth of the sun? Don't you want to stay with me? "

I didn't expect to see sadness from the nurse's eyes. I didn't even think that he would ask something like that. He never asked me to change my decision, but now he asked like he didn't want to lose me.

"Guanyue ..."

"Don't you think about my feelings just a little if you finally leave? Just a little." He cried.

Cries in silence which are only indicated by the fall of tears. He still looks at me with hope as well as sadness. Another question came to my mind.

"Tell me if there are no flower beds in your heart, Guanyue!"

No, he couldn’t feel the pain like me.

"If you choose to die, maybe the flower will grow in my heart. So, can you stay alive? "

Hopeless. I saw him so desperate. His hopes are like floating and difficult to achieve, but he still tries to reach. Then what can I do? Will I let it end just like me?

"Think again, Jiayi. You can continue to live. You can still do the things you like. You can dance again on the stage. You can sing again. You can be happy, Jiayi. You can and I'll make sure of that if you want. "

"Guanyue ..."

"You want it, hmm? Say if you want, Jiayi. "

Can I refuse? Guanyue is always there for me, isn't that enough to be a guarantee if I will be happy?

...

"Do you know why I always give you a bouquet of apple blossom?"

I shook my head and I could see him smile. Ah, why does he love to smile so? I might have diabetes.

"I hear apple blossom means luck, but I also hear that flower means choice."

"Umm, then — hey! Why are you pinching my waist? "

"You are so stupid," he said as he crossed his arms around his chest. "Of course I want you to choose. You want to die in vain or have luck with me. Very stupid."

Ah, is that so?

Why did I realize it now?

Even after the flower disappeared from my body, I was still stupid. It seems like I'm destined to be a fool.

"Sorry for not realizing it."

I could see him snorting before finally putting his arms around me. His head was aware of my chest and I heard him say. "You know Jiayi, I'm glad you chose to let go of your past."

"Thank you for realizing me, Guanyue."

He nodded and tightened his arms. I also do the same thing. If it wasn't for Guanyue, maybe now I had disappeared from the world.

"Hey, Guanyue."

"Hmm?"

"I've never said it, but you must know I'm very lucky to know you. Thank you for giving me the choice to be happy with you. "

He did not reply, but I knew he heard. Evident from the fast movements he made to kiss my lips. "I'm luckier because of you."

If you ask what is the most beautiful good luck in my life, then I will be happy to answer it. Guanyue. He is the most beautiful luck that has ever come in my life.


End file.
